Winter sneezes...

Hello,

Is there anyone out ther that doesn't have a pre-Christmas dose of Winter Sneezes and Blocked noses...?

The Eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

A cough and a cold and a big sneezeee...

And maybe on the eleventh day of Chrismas Gels and Dave will have a new babeee    

Christmas decorations...and a rat

Hi Guys,

I haven't heard from you, but I expect you are busy.

 

I have been busy making some Christmas decorations.  Roger cut out the shapes and I have decorated them so Sandra and Roger can hang them on their Christmas tree when they put it up.   What do you think of them?

Now, I will tell you a story.   Do you remember Doug had a rat called Muis?   He was a very nice fellow.   JP was not very fond of Muis but he learned that he must not harm him...so now he does not harm the rats that come to eat the chicken food.   In fact he just steps over them if they are in his way. 

There are two rats that live in my garden...I think Chris may have caught one in a trap, but certainly, there is still one that I see every day.   This rat eats food and runs round the trap quite happily - it is much too smart to get caught ...see picture below.   It is a very nice mannered rat and I am very fond of it.   But one day it will have to be killed as it will have hundreds of babies and the neighbours will not be amused. See the rat in top right corner?

           .                

RAT-TRAPk

 

So you see - the rat in the top corner and the trap in the bottom left...and it seems that never the two will meet.  

For the best grandchildren in the world...

Hello!    Hasn't it been ages since we spoke on this blog?   I am still waiting for a resolution to the dilemma The Dad who works with a Bunch of Fairies found himself in - but this isn't about that.  

Oh no...this is to mention to you band of merry Boys and Girls that Christmas is a-coming ...oh yes it is!

What is more by Christmas time there should be at least one more of you to include in these blogs.   And there might even be two of you.   Chris says that there are so many cousins now that he is having difficulty keeping up with just how many!  

So...what do you want for Christmas?   I thought I might make a list for you and you can have a look at it and see what you think about it.

Dan needs a front tooth....what about a gold one Dan?   Or one that can change colour - how cool would that be?  Wow - so you are Joseph in the nativity play...I wish I was going to see you.   Will you have a donkey - oh, and pregnant wife like Dave and Doug?   Perhaps not the pregnant wife!

Kristen, what would you like?   A magic, sparkly scarf that could wrap itself around you and grant you a wish for every day of the 12 days of Christmas?   Are you in a Christmas nativity play?

Mike...oh Mike, I have no idea what would be good for you?   A rugby ball that brings luck to the owner and helps him score at least three tries every game he plays with it? 

Chris is easy - he wants a farm ...perhaps that is out of Santa's range this Christmas - maybe you could settle for the Goose that Lays the Golden Egg?

Sarah - Sarah, are you too old for Christmas presents?   Or would you like a shiny surf board that whisked you along on the crest of a silvery wave like a champion surfer?

And then there are two babies - certainly little D'n'A should be here for Christmas and having just spoken to his or her Daddy we know that that D'n'A would like his or her own magic tune to dance through life to finding all the happy ways to grow up.

And then there is Baby Williams - maybe a touch late for the main celebration this year but absolutely bound to make a grand entrance, perhaps a little something for this baby?   I think a parcel tied with the chord of love is bound to be waiting for this little one.

Well, that is the Christmas list out of the way...so next thing is we need a tree....please send me your pictures of the best Christmas tree, or maybe more than one, so I can post them up here on the blog for everyone to see.   Or would you prefer to send the brightest twinkly lights?   Or fattest Santa Clause ...or the most amount of snow...sure D'n'A will win that one!

Come on guys...let me know your ideas...

The Dad who works with a Bunch of Fairies - post 6

Hello again,

I have been waiting for Dan and Kristen to send me the news of the villains that I heard they were chasing.   I haven't heard anything from them so I guess the villains got away?   We still have Mike's Methane Man though - see post 5 of this blog.

So what are we going to do with Methane Man?   Geraldine phoned to say she had seen Mike's Methane Man and she was impressed.   It takes a kid with guts to capture such a bad fellow.   Doug came in with a bit of support for Methane Man, he suggested that there could be good reasons for not showering for donkey's years (we all know Doug doesn't believe in shampooing his own hair and with that in mind we should understand the real reasoning behind the argument here) -  and that methane wasn't necessarily bad per se.   He also defended Methane Man's hat, he remarked it would be quite 'fetching' if worn at a 'jaunty angle'.   Umm, do you remember what Doug wears for everyday work, see picture on the right - gosh, wouldn't we all like to work like that?   But what I want you to notice is the way he dresses?   Doug's idea of day-to-day wear...not smart, would be one way of describing it.   Note the odd socks but at least both are a shade of blue, not the same shade but still - blue.

Anyway although Methane Man is destructive he has not yet stopped all the air traffic over Britain as the erupting volcano in Iceland has done a couple of weeks ago.  If you click on the link there are some amazing pictures.   I discovered that volcanoes don't seem to add too much to the methane in the atmosphere unless they are erupting mud volcanoes or on a planet called Titan.

As much as I'd like to think Methane Man is the villain I have to report that he is NOT the only villain.   In fact I have discovered a whole village of villains.   This is very disturbing because the villains did not know they were villains.  That is a bit like Methane Man - who, incidentally doesn't recognise himself as a villain.  

Now, I don't mean we have a village full of unwashed adults so disgusting that they make the local flys vomit, oh no, it is much more subtle than that.   Like all crimes the clues are right beneath our noses and so obvious it is hard to notice them.  Here are the clues that I found:

1. Mothers hurrying in the morning to get kids to school and get to work themselves.
2. Mothers and Fathers coming home in the evening after a busy day at work and a trip to the supermarket too some days.
3. Children pulling snacks and drinks from the fridge when they came home from school and then leaving the crumbs and left-overs lying around.
4. Parents too busy and too tired to sort  out the recycling properly.

Are you beginning to see the problem yet?

I think the causes of the villains' behaviour are three other little 'villainous inflictions' - known as Ignorance, Apathy and Fatigue.   Most of us have suffered with one or the other at sometime in our lives.   Here is a picture of what I imagine they might look like if you could see them...trouble is we can't and we have to get to know them by how we feel.

Uh-oh...look how dark it is getting, I have to lock up the hens and chicks so foxy can't have them for his dinner.   JP loves to help me, he believes this is one of his most important jobs of the day.

I'll tell you the rest next time, and how Dad manages to put everything right; night-night.

The Dad who works with a Bunch of Fairies - post 5

Some suspects are unearthed by Mike and Dan.

The first one was found by Mike.   Frankly, I never knew such a monster existed and I am still uncertain how he produces more methane than the rest of the world put together, unless it is because he hasn't showered in donkey's years.   He is so revolting that even the flys vomit.   Goodness, Mike did you catch this rascal?   If you did please get him showered before we interrogate him.

I look forward to hearing about Dan's villain.   This is very exciting and very dangerous.  Be careful boys.

We will have to set up a proper investigation to see if this is the cause of the problem at the AD Plant.  

Thanks Mike - your lead is invaluable!

The Dad who worked with a Bunch of Fairies - post 4

Hello,

Trouble at the PLANT

Have you found the villain for me yet?   Remember I asked you last time to tell me who you thought the villain would be, I hoped you would be very good detectives.   Please put your brains to work quickly it is becoming urgent.

 

There is trouble at the plant.   Things have gone wrong and Dad is very worried.   He is working extra long hours there to try to find the trouble.   His bunch of fairies are grumpy and quarrelsome.   They appear to have not enough work.   The dustbin lorries arrive intermittently and the fairies complain that the lorries are not the right size which makes the off-loading of the waste difficult.

People in the towns and villages near the plant complain that it smells awful when the wind blows their way.  They complain to Dad that they didn't EVER want an AD Plant near them even though they understand that, generally speaking, AD Plants are a Very-Good-Thing.   Dad says they are known as NIMBYs which is a really neat acronym meaning that the people do not want an AD Plant near them or "Not In My Back Yard".    They moan and mutter it is all very well when it works well but now look at the mess, the smell and the RATS, especially the rats.

There are a lot of rats too.   Very big, very fat rats - the kind you see more commonly round the Motorway Services where there are generous throw outs from MacDonalds and the like.  You know, where travellers eat half their Big Mac and shove the rest in the bin?   That is wonderful for the rats.   Many people do NOT like rats.   It is rather unfair because the rats do a very good job cleaning up our throw aways and rubbish.   However, if we throw out too much the rats do get bigger, fatter and more and more plentiful.   In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the rats didn't feel rather bloated and sick from living on a diet of too much junk food and not enough balanced diet.   It is unkind to hate rats just because they are rats.  You would like them if they were sweet rabbits or  cute panda bears - but they are rats and the best little dustbin work force we could have only something has gone wrong even here.  There are too many of them sitting around looking decidedly scabby and unwell.

Everyone is blaming everyone else for all the bad things.   The media - that is the newspapers, radio and television stations, blame anyone who they think will make a good villain and newsworthy story.

The politicians are blaming each other as usual.   No one is really listening to them except the media people when they think the story will be gruesome or dramatic enough to broadcast or print.

The Fairies are blaming the dustbin lorries and the local councils.

The villagers and townsfolk are blaming the AD Plant.

But who - oh WHO is the real villain here?

Poor Dad, he has to check everything.   Everything except the politicians that is.   He knows he has a very special Fairy whose job it is to make sure the politicians are given just enough of the right information to keep them from blaming the AD Plant.   That would be bad for everyone, but nevertheless Dad is extremely worried about the AD Plant.   It just isn't working properly.

The methane is gathering and not being used up to make the plant's electricity.
The waste is not being delivered properly.  So it is not being processed correctly and fetiliser is not being made.
The farmers want fertiliser to put on their fields, especially now in the spring, when they plant their crops.

It is a very unhappy situation.

Come on children - we need you to help us find the villain who has put us in this dreadful pickle.  I think you still have one more week of your holiday to help Dad solve the problem.

The picture on the right is NOT one of my fairies, I found her on the internet, even though she hasn't got pink hair I think this fairy is a fake...what we need is a detective to help solve the problem!

The Dad who worked with a bunch of Fairies - post 3

Hello - are you there?

We have got to the bit where Dad and his Fairies are mixing tiny bits of food waste together in towering tanks and heating it to clean out the bacteria and you might be wondering why they do this or how they do this?   When I was wondering how it looked a picture came to mind which I have drawn here for you.   It is completly untrue, it doesn't look like this at all.    They use special machinery to do this which needs power to turn the wheels and cogs, to heat the gloopy mixture, very sophisticated machinery invented by extremely clever scientists.     


There is a bit that I can tell you that is true though.   This is super, mega important - I think so because there is a quiet problem bubbling away in this world.   You might have heard of it?   It is called Climate Change or sometimes Global Warming which are both terms used to describe what is happening.   Oh, have you already learned about this at school?   So you know that we human beings are using all sorts of  non-renewable resources in our lovely world that can never be replaced just to do the things that are essential now like turn on lights,  ride in a train, plane, car or ship?   Things to keep our houses warm and clean - all pretty essential things.   

But what happens when the coal, oil, water and other resources are finished?   What happens when the climate is changed so much by too much carbon being increased into the atmosphere too quickly that animals and plants begin to die?    When the plants can't live in our climate any longer what will happen to all the things that depend on those plants for food?   They will die and become extinct - even people will suffer -and that is why Dad and his Fairies are doing such a very important job.

Let me see if I can explain.   The loads of rank, smelly gloop that is delivered to the AD Plant  are processed and three really good things happen.

First of all the mixture gives off a gas called methane.   Too much methane in the atmosphere is considered not A-Good-Thing.  Here is something funny you might not know...methane is found in lots of things , mostly we think about it as the gas given off by rotting garbage but it is also in the burps of sheep and has been of some concern to some scientists.  Some scientists have linked the possibility of too many sheep burping to an increase of methane into the atmosphere.  

The methane given off in the AD Plant is used to make electricity to drive the AD Plant machinery so they are not using up precious coal or oil to do this.  AND...and the methane is NOT being released into the atmosphere as it would in a dump.   It is being used - clever stuff.

Secondly  all that horrible stuff you threw away is turned into fertiliser for farmers to use to grow more crops of yummy things to eat.   Yes - believe it or not your rubbish is good enough grub for crops and vegetables to eat, yum yum.   Full of good-for-you nutrients.

Thirdly, instead of your waste food all going into a huge, big, smelly rubbish dump or land-fill site somewhere every single bit is being recycled to make something good without waste.   A little bit like a Phoenix rising from the ashes in a funny sort of way.

Oh dear, look at the time again!  JP wants me to take him for a walk it is a lovely spring day out there.  He wants to go down Moor Lane and hunt for squirrels...he never catches them.   I want to go and put some fertiliser on my plants so they grow into lovely salads and vegetables in a few weeks.   Next time, I promise you, I'll be back with something very scary .....oh yes, all this good, happy stuff is going to take a dark turn.   Well, it wouldn't be fun without a villian.    Ummm - let me think...maybe one of you would like to guess who the villian will be, or maybe you would like to suggest one or send me a picture?   If you have an idea just send me an email by clicking on the little envelope under this blog post.   It would be fun to see who guesses correctly, or sends me a picture, of who you think the villian will be that I chose for this completly untue story with more than a grain of truth.  I'm off to find a suitable villian....JP thinks it could be the squirrels.

The Dad who worked with a bunch of Fairies - blog post 2.

Hello again.                                                                                                                                                                           Do you remember where we were when we left this story last time?   Yes, that's right, we had got to the bit about how all your yukky bits of left-over food can be turned into something good just like magic.

Have you thought about what you threw in your food-waste bin this week?   That half-eaten cereal the other morning, more sandwich crusts, a sweet you spat out because it tasted horrid and some of the cat food Kodi wouldn't eat - even though Puppy thought he should have it.  Oh yes, hundreds of tea bags too and (I'll whisper this bit so Mum doesn't hear) those vegetables you really didn't want and hid so you could have pudding...well they went in too didn't they?   Now can you imagine all the people in the village putting the same sorts of leftovers in their food bins too?    It all adds up to

 loads

      and loads

             and LOADS of leftover food.

All that food gets put into the back of the dustbin lorry.   Do you remember last summer when the weather was damp and humid how many maggots were in the bin too?   Loads of food and sometimes loads of maggots go into the lorry and off it goes.   Now that doesn't sound much like magic does it but it is the beginning.

What happens next?

The dustbin men work hard all day picking up all the waste food bins and when they have emptied all of them they trundle off to deliver the whole slimy, greasy unappetising lot, liberally sprinkled with fat maggots in maggot season to an Anaerobic Digestion Plant or AD Plant as we now call this busy place.   No, not one that grows as big as a tree not that sort of plant at all.   The use of the word 'plant' here describes an industrial building though I did wonder why a growing plant and a building should share the same name so I looked through my dictionaries and books for an explanation and couldn't find one;  then I looked online and click here to see how it all happened...otherwise, if you are not curious as to why, just read on but take it from me that the picture I've drawn you is certainly not the sort of plant where the lorries took their loads of smelly rotting waste, that is completely untrue but I thought it would be fun to imagine a rubbish-guzzling tree - a bit like  a super enormous Venus Flytrap.   No this AD Plant  is where you will see a place full of huge enormous tank-type buildings ...and this is where the magic really begins to work.   The dustbin men are joined by hundreds of other lorries that have been all over the place, not just to people's homes but to places such as the supermarkets that also throw out piles of waste food every day, and restaurants, hotels, hospitals, schools, dairies, oh every sort of place that deals with  food and has leftovers.

All these are taken to the plant where Dad and his bunch of fairies mix it together and shred it into little bits in a giant mixer and then heat it till they are very hot (more than 70C)  to kill most of the bacteria - so pretty much like cooking on a giant scale - with truly disgusting ingredients.   To tell you what I think - well, I think these guys have got much worse things in their good magic generally speaking than those Macbeth Witches of yore had in their dubious cauldron of evil.

So that is the start of the magic but more happens.   No, I can't stop to tell you about it now because it is time to go and feed the hens, they are all sitting in the rain waiting for their afternoon titbits, left over cabbage, a rotten apple and some stale bread...which I could have put in the food waste bin or the composter, but which are also very good 'tea' for my 6 hungry hens and their rooster.  I'll be back next time to tell you more.

The Dad who worked with a bunch of Fairies

Most children LOVE to hear stories about their Mums and Dads.   Usually Grannies and Grandpas are good at telling stories about the Mums and Dads and you have probably noticed that Mum or Dad usually protests and tells the kids the story is


"Completely untrue..."


Well, be that as it may - I have pre-empted their protest haven't I?   My stories are completely untrue but just have a grain of truth and it is up to the reader to decide which bit that is.


This story is about a Dad who works away with the fairies lots of the time.   Grown-ups will read a completely different meaning into that sentence but anyway, however you think of it let's continue.

If you click on these pictures they will get bigger - oh, I forgot, you knew that!


The Dad I am writing about worked with a bunch of fairies who certainly don't look like our preconceived ideas of fairies, or elves - some might look a bit like goblins - but here's another cliché, you can't judge a person on how they look any more than you can a book by its cover. Same is true for fairies...yes, probably angels too now you come to mention it.


Well, working with fairies must mean that the work involves magic at least some of the time.   This is exactly what happens when this particular Dad goes to work.   Magic.

This Fairy on a mushroom is just here to show you what pretend fairies look like - you can always tell - they have pink hair, it's a dead give-away.




It is quite old-fashioned, I think, to have the idea that magic spells have to be concocted in a steaming cauldron like the Macbeth witches brewed their nasty potion.   Anyway, this story and this Dad are involved with a magic of a different kind and it is all good, though I have to admit the ingredients for the spell are not much better than those the nasty old witches threw into their cauldron.


According to the Shakespearian verse that cauldron contained the guts of a toad, the leg of a lizard, the gall of a goat and the nose of a Turk, and lots of much more horrible things.   Good grief, if we wrote things like that now we would be in a lot of trouble for being politically incorrect and scaring children.   But Shakespeare is dead so he's got away with it.   Anyway, it is one of the most gruesome recipes I've ever read and lots of the things in it are not only disgusting but also very poisonous.  

This story is beginning to get lost.   Sorry, and on with the story about the Dad who works with a bunch of fairies to make magic - good magic.   Now, here is an interesting thing - although the magic is good lots of the ingredients are almost as vile as those in the Witches potion.   The reason they got it all wrong and very evil is their intent was not honourable and this Dad is an honourable man and his intent is good and kind and helpful.       


Oh goodness - look at the time I am going to have to finish this story another time but just before I go I will tell you about some of the things that go into this Dad's magic.   Old soggy teabags, the brussel sprouts that you didn't eat with your dinner, that bit of smelly cheese that Mum found in the back of the fridge that had been there since last Christmas and a wilted stick of celery.   There are also all those bread crusts you never ate and left in your school lunch-box for 5 days over half-term...mmmm, loads of tasty things.   What?   You don't think so, well wait till you find out how much lovely magic they make.